Easy Awry by LumpedIn

Below is a piece I wrote last month after one too many frustrating conversations with very employable friends looking for decent work and failing dismally.

I’ve been on both sides of the the job search, myself.

• As a hiring manager, I’ve personally sifted through hundreds of resumes that come in for a single role in a single day. As a consultant, I’ve helped build out and scale up high performance teams (including “Sourcing Talent”).
• And yes, at times I’ve tried knocking my head against the wall of job applications with the traditional employment route too.

So I empathize with the people at both ends of the equation, and have a seething distaste for the horrible technology in-between. I’ve also spoken at HR Tech conferences, and heard every promise from every vendor about how the middle layer problem has been solved. But it hasn’t. And if it ever was, it just broke again in the last year or two with AI.

Anyway, I gave up trying to explain why it’s just not worth it to ever click the “Easy Apply” button on LinkedIn. And I wrote something funny instead. Hope it makes the point.

*Originally posted on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/introducing-easyawry-future-frictionless-rejection-sam-rogers-lky6c

It’s finally here.

The job search revolution we didn’t ask for and definitely can’t unsubscribe from: EasyAwry™.

Engineered for velocity over veracity, EasyAwry™ sends any job search awry by empowering candidates to skip the burdensome steps of targeting roles, tailoring resumes, or communicating with anyone at all. Just upload, click, and bask in the dopamine surge of simulated momentum. Widen the nozzle of the firehose and “spray and pray” like never before!

Key Features & Benefits:

• One-click submission to roles that may not even exist
• Instant eligibility as a “Top Applican’t”
• Auto-matching based on indistinguishable job titles and amorphous “vibes”
• Email notifications to instill false hope during your rare off-platform moments
• Full ghosting experience within 3–5 business seconds

Under the hood, EasyAwry™ uses proprietary algorithms to pre-disqualify applicants at scale. The secret sauce? A gentle blend of keyword roulette, plausibly deniable AI enhancements, and brick wall technology.

“EasyAwry™ helped me apply to 78 jobs in under an hour. I haven’t felt this productive since deleting my inbox!” — Dan Kiddate, totally a person

Why it matters:

In an age of automation, the only thing faster than rejection is desperation. EasyAwry™ harnesses that speed to ensure jobseekers stay engaged, discouraged, and perfectly siloed away from any paying roles.

Coming soon: EasyAwry Pro™, which auto-applies to roles while you sleep and charges per month or per heartbreak. Includes free access to our LumpedIn Assessment Tool™, for rating the irrelevance of your skills with machine precision.