Closing up when someone dies, part 1: ASAP

There are plenty of lists and articles out there about how to handle when someone dies in terms of planning a funeral and things like that. But in my moment of need, I didn’t find a modern list of which logistics to handle first and in what sequence. That’s what I wanted to see.

So I’m making this list as a reference for myself, as my Mom died recently and I’ve not done as good a job as I could have of taking care of all the pieces left behind. This is list of what I should have done, and keeps me on track for doing the parts I haven’t yet.

If you have their cellphone

• Unlock all local security features. Any biometrics, passcodes, etc. This is only for the device itself, not any 2-factor authentications that may be linked from other places devices. Needless to say, you will also want to guard the phone carefully.
• Export the contact list. Maybe it’s up on the cloud already, but there are also ways to keep local contacts that don’t sync and sometimes people don’t even know they did it that way. Get the list from the phone into a spreadsheet however you can.
• Check the voicemail. Make notes for every one. Be prepared, as this will be emotional. Occasionally people call and leave messages to a ghost on purpose “just to hear your voice one more time”
• Check the texts. Make notes for every one. Even the ones you think might be spam might turn out not to be. Delete only when you’ve made a note of the number, day, and nature of the content.
• Check the apps. Are there any accounts that are accessible here, like banks or social media? Can you view? If so, then do, and take screenshots along the way. Do not post anything yet or transact anything. Just view and capture.
• Start calling people on the contact list to give the news. This part sucks, but it’s best by phone. Would you really want to receive a text from a dead person’s phone saying that they’ve died? Probably not, so don’t send anything like that. Call and talk to people. Don’t try and do too many in a day, and spread the load if you can to other loved ones who may volunteer. Just keep a list so you know who is reaching out to whom.

If you have access to their computer

• Unlock all local security features. Like with the phone, you’ll have to guard this computer carefully — but you were anyway, right?
• Export all passwords. If there is a password manager, lucky you! Even if you’re not that lucky, there may be passwords saved by local browsers (and check all installed browsers) that might be useful. Many of these passwords won’t work, but pay attention to the nature of the logins and passwords as you may notice patterns that you can use to unlock what is locked. Export to a CSV or some other format you can take to a different computer.
• Don’t install or uninstall anything. It’s tempting to run an update when prompted or trash suspected malware, but don’t. This computer may not have been secured, it might have bugs, it might be slow, but it’s important to keep it as is because that’s the only way you’ll know you didn’t break anything.

If you have access to their home

• Secure the house. Make sure all the doors and windows lock. If not, figure out a way to secure them at least temporarily. Gather & test all keys that allow access. Do not permit yourself or others to enter the home alone, always have a buddy. This is for emotional support AND to reduce/defend any accusations that people in pain may make. People do crazy things at times like this, you can prevent the worst of it by controlling entry/exit parameters.
• Pet care. If the person had pets, remember that they are scared and confused now too. They are living, care for them well and find them a new home as appropriate.
• Tidy up. There may be dirty dishes in the sink, trash that needs to go out, laundry in the washer, an unmade bed. Life happens, and if any one of us was taken out of it with no notice, there might be a few simple things to clean up. Don’t break out the scrub brush and gloves and go crazy with cleansers. A simple light sweep is all that is needed now.

As soon as you can manage

• Post to socials. Post to facebook as the person if possible. Make it clear what has happened, as the family wishes to express it. Post with a nice picture of the person’s face, preferably their profile pic. Encourage others to post pictures and stories in the thread. Monitor this as there could be a flood of people posting things that may or may not be appropriate for all to see.
• Make an email address. This one may sound kinda odd but everyone is going to want to know who to contact and how to update information. If you have one “In Memoriam” email for the deceased created already, you can send all notifications, authentications, accounts, requests, and any other info related to your loved one there (instead of to you or their old email which could get closed). This is especially useful if the deceased had more than one email.
• Start writing a death announcement and/or obituary. Don’t post it yet, there’s no rush. Read it out loud and talk it over with people who knew the deceased. This is a lasting impression of the person, don’t let it be a lasting impression of your personal grief alone. There are hundreds of guides to this online, here’s one
• Have info ready. The funeral home for one will want to know your contact info (full name, phone, email, address, etc.) and legal info of the person who just passed (full name, birthday, deathday, SSN, parent’s names & birthdays, etc.). If you have all this written down before you walk in the door, you don’t have to spell everything out verbally or watch your hand shake as you try to write.
• Request at least 3 death certificates. You’ll need these for any institutions that need to know the person died, and that you’re the one to talk to about what’s left. It doesn’t hurt to have more original copies than 3, you may need more if the person had a lot of accounts or possessions. You can always make more copies, but in many cases institutions like the bank, the power company, the post office, the DMV, etc. will need to be authenticated ones as they have to deal with a lot of fraud. If there is any real estate involved, get an additional “short form” of the death certificate. The short form doesn’t contain as much personal info, and is useful for filing as public records.
• Contact a local lawyer. Maybe there’s a name of a trusted lawyer in the phone or computer already. If so, go with that. But if not, it’s good to establish a relationship with someone in the town of the person who died. They’ll know things you don’t. You may want to have one or more of the death certificates sent to them, depending on what needs to happen with those. Also, get their reference to a tax professional that they work with in cases like this.
• Cancel the newspaper. People may not be there at the house every day, and nothing says “target” like papers stacking up in front of a dark house. While the USPS will require a formal death notice to stop mail service, the newspaper typically doesn’t and will at least pause delivery if you ask.

And though it all, don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to drink water, keep your daily habits, and do what you can bulk up your immune system and be as kind as possible to your own body. You’ll need it to not fail in the coming days and weeks. Take the time you need, and a little more just to be safe, just to be generous. The person who passed would want you to, right?