Reflections on the COVID year

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One year ago, I was one week into a three-week quarantine. I had plenty of reason to think that I had contracted this mysterious new Coronavirus strain known as COVID-19.

Fortunately, I had not. I had the flu, a normal flu. It was a coincidence that I’d just been around so many people in the SF Bay Area just as cases there were starting to pop up all over.

But as a precaution against infected my partner or her mother, I was in lockdown before it was popular. Trendsetter that I am ;)

I was much better prepared for this than most. Although I went into the pandemic having been out of work for the previous six-months and about at the end of my financial runway.

Still, in the last year, I tried to be of service to others as best I could by:
  • writing a few articles about my experiences above
  • advising friends & family about decisions during a pandemic
  • teaching people how to work from home, and how to make their internet work
  • teaching livestreaming to speakers & performers
  • teaching live-looping to musicians (online and in a video series)
  • connecting online equipped musicians with newly online teachers looking for live musical accompaniment
  • co-producing a free online conference for the L&D community, especially those hardest hit by downsizing
  • assisting with community management for the International Body Music Festival online
  • hosting sessions & contributing to the GoGoDone international productivity community
  • helping launch The New Alpha Male book and feeder online course for people seeking to redefine masculinity, become better men, and become more aware
  • creating a consumer comparison website for green energy in Texas
  • taking over all the insurance and medical headaches for my mom after her car accident, and while she was recovering from a traumatic brain injury
  • putting together a great video for my Dad’s 70th birthday and hosting an online party for my stepmom’s 70th
  • helping my mother-in-law through her second knee replacement surgery and months of recovery

Other than the above (and work), I’ve not really been in touch with anyone else in the last year. My friends around the world, my family here in the US, hardly anyone has heard from me. Though I have continued to write here, I pretty much stopped calling anybody, even including calling people back who reached out to me.

This is not like me. I’m not proud of this change, and I’ve been confused about it. But after a lot of thought about it, here’s the truth: it hurts too much.

It hurts that I can’t be a musician right now, and it hurts even more that my friends can’t really either. It hurts that nothing anyone wants to launch in the world is working. It hurts that I have no good advice to give, because nothing I’m doing is working either. It hurts to hear how lonely and distraught everyone is. It hurt to hear about how frustrated and scared or mean everyone was for most of the last year about governments and politicians and economies. It hurts to want to be there for people, and just not to have it in me because I’ve been working too hard or am already to burnt out with the help I’ve given others. Worst of all, it hurts that I’ve gotten into this self-propelling cycle of isolation.

I don’t know that I’m out of it yet, I’m sorry to say. And I’m fine by the way, I’m totally fine actually. I’m doing well!

And maybe that fact is the real reason I haven’t been in touch.

…Because nobody else has seemed to be very okay for the last year.

I think this may be changing, and I hope for all of us that it changes soon!

Your thoughts? Comments help.



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