Social media is great for lots of things, and the thing it seems to be best at is eating up my life. So once a year, I take a month off to remember what the rest of it is like.
In the lead up to this year’s hiatus, I was asking myself (and my friends/connections/followers) what social media is for. Most people said “connection,” “keeping in touch,” and “sharing.” A few humorously commented things like “puppy pics” and “getting people out to my gigs” (yeah, I have a lot of musician friends).
I used to agree. As someone from the San Francisco Bay Area who formerly traveled all over the world, The Socials were great for keeping me connected to people I care about. Those friends and family are sprinkled all over the world, and now that I live in a tiny rural town in the middle of Utah and don’t get out quite as much, it’s easy to think that all the shares and likes and comments are even more important.
But how great are these platforms at connecting us these days, really?
Sure, I get to see everyone else’s highlight reel of life, and they maybe see a bit of mine. That’s not connection though. It’s a curated view that isn’t quite true in either direction.
We use social media to react, not to connect.
While we may intend to connect when we open the app, it doesn’t really turn out that way. The options for actually connecting in real time are not nearly as conveniently placed as the reaction options. Plus it’s not quite real time — and that’s not our expectation of such apps.
The truth is, we’re just as distracted from social media as by it. We’re in line somewhere. Or watching something else. Or in a meeting. Or next to another real human being that we actually care a great deal about and who is available for real-time connections of the best kind.
My partner loves it when I go on my social media fasts.
Last month, I went all in on Seth Godin’s altMBA program and timed my social media outage to coincide. The cohorts are highly collaborative, so I got plenty of the kinds of interactions with new and inspiring people that I would typically get from The Socials. But better, way better.
In this closed community with a strong emphasis on giving and growing, people actually read what I wrote. Then they actually commented with meaning and substance. There were online meetings face to face. Sometimes one-on-one, sometimes small groups, sometimes hundreds of people. In every context, I was constantly challenged to show up with vulnerability — and for me that means bringing more of my whole self to the game.
Character-limited social soundbites just don’t allow for much in the way of meaning and substance.
After this most recent month off, I’m coming back differently. More purposeful. Distance gives you a new way of seeing things, like traveling far away and coming back.
So what is social media for, for me now?
- LinkedIn and Twitter: Collegial connections with my professional community.
- Facebook/Instagram: Casual, light-duty updates for friends and family.
That’s it. For everything else, I’ll just talk to people — individually or in smaller communities with a strong sense of purpose and culture.
And what am I no longer indulging in social media for?
- Criticism. Literary, cultural, professional, or otherwise. Doesn’t work, and I don’t like how it makes me feel or who it makes me look like. Nope.
- Challenges. No more photo-a-day or top-ten-albums chain-challenges. While I don’t regret the ones I accepted, I can go the rest of my life without accepting another.
- Actions. I won’t be telling you that you need to do this quick thing to secure your computer, or that you should follow me somewhere, or that if you care you’ll sign this petition.
I get a lot out of social media fasts. Much more than I believe I missed.
This year: easily 100 times more, in combination with an intentional online community. I’ll be seeking more such community — and likely even making my own — very soon.