Y’know, I’m really not very good at this whole holiday/vacation thing.

Having juggled between jobs and gigs and workshops and teaching and travel and rarely taken dedicated time off for many years, it’s still just plain weird for to me to take time off at all. I want to fill the time with useful projects or experiences.

I don’t think of myself as a workaholic, I do really like not working. I simply end up doing the work thing a lot to make up for stuff that went wrong at work, then being put in charge of things that are slightly (or massively) beyond my ability to deliver in the time allotted. I have a hard time handing stuff off because I don’t know who to hand them off too or how to communicate what is needed well enough.

This opportunity to work full-time for someone else’s company for the first time in my life is giving me a lot to think about and play with. I took the last two workingdays off for a Denise’s birthday getaway, and because I have so many vacation days built up that my my challenge now is trying to find where to put them on the calendar before they go away at the end of the year.

Never before in my life have I had a problem like this. While it’s a good problem to have, it is a struggle that’s helping me confront some deeply held beliefs around my life and work.

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